Self-Care

I have not been good at taking care of myself. As a child I was taught to equate self-care with selfishness and I was taught to focus on my deficits. My father would say, “I don’t want to know what you did well; I want to know what you did poorly, so you can improve.” When I attended to judgement and blame of myself, I undermined my ability to take care of myself. I had an ever present sense of not feeling I was good enough, and I continually fell short of self-imposed standards of having to be perfect. To take care of myself, I have to be kind to myself. The beginning of self-care is the cultivation of unconditional and immeasurable kindness toward myself. No one in the world is more worthy of care and kindness than me. Prostate cancer helped me on the journey of self-care. I had to take care of myself to survive. Breaking the habit of self-deprecation is challenging because I live in a culture of self-judgement and self-hatred where perfectionism is demanded to be good enough. My journey started with a growth mind-set, i.e., I can change. Next, I had to pay attention to the messages I was sending myself. Then, I had to challenge the negative messages and replace them with positive messages. I have a rock on my dresser in which a friend carved “enough” to remind myself I am enough. My journey has involved much therapy and help from others. It is still a work in progress.