Peter Kafka’s thoughts this week on generosity at this time of year:
I live on the same property as two of my young grandchildren here on Maui and it is very special being this close to them and watching them grow and mature. One of the things I wrestle with especially during what we refer to as “the holiday season” is how to change the focus from Getting to Giving. I wonder if generosity is a value that can be taught or is it a characteristic that we intrinsically have and choose to express or not. Many years ago, my own two sons taught me an important lesson about generosity that I have never forgotten.
We were living in Brooklyn; NY and my sons were perhaps 6 and 8 years old. They wanted to go out to lunch on their own at a neighborhood Chinese restaurant a block or two away. I gave them a $20 bill and my wife and I watched them disappear around the corner from our 4th story window. About 25 minutes later they returned, all smiles about this big adventure. As I listened to their story, I asked my sons if there was any change left from the $20 bill, knowing that the lunch special was about $3.50. They replied that they left the remainder for a tip, stating that the waitress was “so nice” to them.
I was about to explain to them how to go about calculating a tip by percentages when I bit my lip and shut up. Who was I to stifle their natural spirit of generosity? Generosity is something that comes from the heart and not the calculator. I trust that my sons, and their children live by this maxim still, but I can’t control that. All I know is that something shifted in me that day in terms of generosity.
Not a day goes by this time of year when my mailbox is not stuffed with donation requests from a wide variety of social, health and environmental non-profit organizations trying to tap into my spirit of generosity. My desk is full of greeting cards, address labels, calendars and such. Things that I don’t need but have a hard time just trashing. I get it, the timing and the need. And I do support a number of these organizations throughout the year.
We at AnCan.org have not to date taken this approach of frequently soliciting donations. We just continue on with our effective model of providing weekly live On Line/ telephone support for men and women dealing with difficult medical and emotional issues. We provide a forum where people can connect with others and form significant friendships and support networks for their particular situation. To date, none of our moderators and staff are paid. Our service is a gift of our passionate hearts. Others have helped us along the way and we are compelled to pass it on.
I know that many of you have found the means within your budgets to help us at AnCan continue this work and expand into other avenues of service. Thank you! We value your generous participation.