Some of our Blog readers, have attended AnCan’s Speaking Freely virtual group. That’s our men-only meeting that talks about everything and anything EXCEPT treatment. It’s open to all men living with a chronic condition and provides a great opportunity twice a month to get things off your chest and to air issues where another perspective may help. Like all our meetings, it’s free and drop in on the 1st and 3rd Thursday of each month starting at 8.00 pm Eastern in our AnCan Barniskis Room.
December’s second meeting of the month hosted a newbie to Speaking Freely but not to our AnCan Groups. Alan Babcock has been attending our prostate cancer groups for a while; he was finally able to vacate his schedule to make a Speaking Freely group. Alan recently retired from a hugely meaningful and rewarding career where he supervised Disability Services for students at Penn State – Go Nittany Lions!! Over the years, his team enabled thousands of disabled students to graduate .
In the course of the SF group conversation, we spoke about how cancer has impacted our lives – positively and negatively. When Alan mentioned he’d be keeping track of all the gifts received from his prostate cancer experience, we immediately asked for a copy – and here it is.Thanks for sharing your vulnerabilities, Alan and for allowing others to learn and benefit! (Editor: We’ve chosen to put Prostate in parenthesis, because for the large part, we think this applies to most all cancers!! )
Gifts of (Prostate) Cancer
1. I experienced a flood of love and good wishes from family, friends, and colleagues.
2. I returned to therapy, and I deepened my self-understanding.
3. I had the opportunity to confront my mortality, which taught me to think about decisions I make day-to-day.
4. I saw my wife do battle with the medical establishment on my behalf and win.
5. My love for my wife deepened as we confronted a life crisis.
6. I watch myself travel from despair to acceptance. Once again, demonstrating my resilience to myself.
7. I was given the opportunity to learn how to love my wife in new ways.
8. For about the hundreth time, I saw my wife was a tower of strength, and I learned once again that she would always be there for me.
9. I felt my wife’s unconditional love as she held me while I cried for all of my losses.
10. I experienced what it was like to have somebody pray for me.
11. I took control of my well-being by firing my first urologist and finding better care elsewhere, which was empowering.
12. I talked to other men who had prostatectomies about highly personal subjects.
13. I started to learn how to engage in Mindfulness rather than just talking about it.
14. I experienced a high school friend showing how much he cared by not only investigating where I received treatment, but also the physician who was going to perform the prostatectomy.
15. My brother-in-law showed how much he cared by arranging a consultation with a physician at the Dana-Farber Cancer Center.
16. A professor, who I did not know well, gave me her telephone number, and told me to call any time day or night.
17. I learned what was helpful and what was unhelpful when someone was facing a life crisis.
18. I joined a support group, in which I learn much about prostate cancer and in which I receive support.
19. I am learning to accept my limitations.
20. I have helped other men, which has been rewarding
(Editor’s note: This is a ‘master’ list of books related to death, dying, and grief. We hope you will find this to be a helpful resource in your journey, no matter what it is. If you would like to share a book that has helped you, please email alexa at ancan.org. Amazon links here for your convenience and ease of purchasing the book. Remember, you can help AnCan with absolutely no cost to you by purchasing through AmazonSmile. Read how to here. Special thanks to Dr. John Antonucci.)
“We face fears of death and dying, and at times turn to authors who have thought deeply and written about the topic. I offer here a short bibliography on the topic. Ideally it would be an organic list, onto which readers could add suggestions or comments.” – Dr. John Antonucci
On June 29th we hosted a webinar that we know you’ll love to share! Titled “Genetic and Genomic Testing The How’s, Why’s and Where’s“, you’ll get a crash course on everything genetic and genomic testing related.
Some may have read the excellent ediorial written by Moderator Ben Nathanson in a recent High Risk/Recurrent/Advanced Prostate Cancer Reminder. Ben explains ‘time toxicity’ … a concept that effects many living with serious disease. If you missed his musings, here they are again:
Treatment that gives us time to live demands time in return. It drags with it scans, blood work, drives to the hospital, doctors running late, computers down, battles with insurance. Part of our gained lifetime is lost in dead time. Toxicity is always in the cancer mix. Financial toxicity has become part of the conversation alongside physiological toxicity, and time toxicity — time lost in an effort to gain time — is joining it. In a thoughtful 2018 essay, physician Karen Daily notes “Much of our patients’ time investments remain invisible to clinicians.” This year, in ASCO’s lead journal, three physicians have taken up the challenge, proposing that clinical trials, when reporting overall survival, distinguish between “Days with Physical Health Care System Contact” and days the patients actually own — “Home Days.” This a new idea only in cancer, say the authors — cardiology and other fields already make these kinds of measurements. When medicine’s best offer is a handful of months, we face difficult choices. Time toxicity casts a shadow over both survival time and quality of life. As we try to balance days added against side effects, it would be good to know how much of the time we’re gaining will be ours to spend.
Reading Ben’s thoughts prompted one of our regular participants to write a reply to us both that touched me to the core. I asked if we could reprint that too, and was graciously given permission on condition of anonymity. Here it is!
Ben, thanks for the article on “time toxicity” in the (recent) meeting announcement. It identifies an important consideration for all to think about in the fight vs. cancer and from my personal experience an impact that changes over time. Your write-up got me to thinking and pushed me to a holistic realization that this is basically an investment decision with expected returns.
For the prostate component of my cancer fight (now 17 years and counting), I did not think about the time investment in the first 14 years that I (and family members) were making to “do battle” (eg lab work, appointments with doctors, scans, treatments, family meetings, insurance challenges and personal downtime / reduced effectiveness in work due to treatment, etc.), It was a “no-brainer” decision and I never considered the tradeoff as the benefits for the opportunity to “continue to live life” due to treatments as my “life” returns were overwhelmingly positive vs.the “investment” required to do battle.
Having retired three years ago and simultaneously entering a new phase of my cancer fight I am aware of the increased time I (and family members) now spend on cancer treatment yet obtaining reduced time for life (and quality of life). I’m now spending significantly more time at Doctors appointments, treatments and longer periods of time post treatment feeling the physical effects of treatment and have begun to recognize I’m going to hit a point where this equation gets out of balance….and I’m not equipped with a decision model to manage that occurrence. Given my personal nature is to grind on stuff (I can make it work, give me time and let me try!) — I’m likely to blow right past the point of equilibrium where time toxicity and balance of life toxicity begin to get out of hand. For much of the first 14 years of my cancer fight I practiced a very large (and for me, healthy) dose of self-denial that I was dealing with prostate cancer. I was able to keep the cancer part of my life cordoned off, did not have significant residual time spent thinking / worrying / etc. about the disease and lived life to the max both personally and professionally. Now, in the last three years I am finding growing quantities of “thinking time” consumed by the disease and also sucking family members…. wife and children….deeper into the cancer battle as discussions / time encroach on them as well increasing the cost of investment (time) in the battle vs. cancer.
Prostate cancer is my second cancer fight, Ten years prior to the prostate cancer diagnosis I was diagnosed with a rare leukemia (rare as it was diagnosed in a limited number of folks (~2,000 / per year in the United States) and was usually fatal shortly after diagnosis as there were no lasting treatments until about 4 years prior to my diagnosis. As a freak outcome of scientific research a drug treatment was developed; the drug was intended for another cancer that had a much larger annual incidence of new cases; the drug was not effective on the targeted cancer but it was very effective on the rare leukemia. And at the time the treatment protocol was 7 days of continuous drip via a small pump one wore around the waist as an outpatient; minimal side effects; and if the first treatment didn’t work a second round was almost guaranteed to work. Talk about lucky! There was no way research funds would have been spent on this cure except by accident — which was exactly the case. The time toxicity for me in my first cancer battle was non-existent and I believe has indirectly helped me in the prostate cancer fight by giving me a dose of optimism and coping skills.
I think the topics raised by both of you….including Rick’s statement on treatment longevity results are important for the group to consider. These are relevant points of management in the cancer battle that I haven’t seen addressed by my oncologists (except one) nor psychologists and psychiatrists that I’ve also used in my treatment.
Editor’s Comment: In the original Reminder, I responded to Ben’s comments by adding one of my own. I pointed out that frequently Overall Survival benefits were shorter than might be expected because trials are often run on patients at a very late stage of their disease. This caveat should be considerd when we see the FDA reporting short life extension, sometimes as few as 2 or 3 months, for newly approved drugs.(rd)
AnCan is proud to announce that we recently joined the Modern Medicaid Alliance, a partnership
between Americans who value Medicaid and leading advocacy organizations. We look forward to
working with the Alliance to educate policymakers and the public about the benefits and value of
Medicaid.
As part of our partnership with the Modern Medicaid Alliance, we will be highlighting the diverse
populations that depend on Medicaid for their health and financial security. Medicaid covers about
1 in 5 Americans, including millions of children, older adults, people with disabilities, and 2million
veterans. Medicaid provides an essential safety net for when Americans need it, providing high-
quality, cost-effective care to more than 73 million people nationwide.
We join the Modern Medicaid Alliance at a critical time. While policymakers debate changes to
Medicaid, the program is enjoying widespread support from Americans. In fact, recent polling
found that 86% of Americans want a strong, sustainable Medicaid program – and fewer than 20%
of Americans support cutting Medicaid funding.
AnCan is particularly interested in furthering Medicaid expansion in all States in order to
promote health equity. Indeed, providing mental health services to veterans and to all those
enduring chronic conditions is an urgent need.
December’s second meeting of the month hosted a newbie to Speaking Freely but not to our AnCan Groups. Alan Babcock has been attending our prostate cancer groups for a while; he was finally able to vacate his schedule to make a Speaking Freely group. Alan recently retired from a hugely meaningful and rewarding career where he supervised Disability Services for students at Penn State – Go Nittany Lions!! Over the years, his team enabled thousands of disabled students to graduate .
Some may have read the excellent ediorial written by 