Peter Kafka’s Version of ‘The TALK”

by Rick Davis | Oct 11, 2020 | hospice and palliative, Advocacy, Blood Cancers, Brain Tumors, Cancer Caregivers, Cancer Resources, Maui, mCRPC, Men 'Speaking Freely', Men's Breast Cancer, Multiple Sclerosis, nmCRPC, Prostate Cancer, Recent News, RMC, Sarcoidosis, Women's Breast Cancer

Our Board President, he prefers this to Chair(!), reflects this week on a conversation many must face!

Recently AnCan in partnership with UsToo initiated a webinar series titled; The Talk.  The series focused upon the significance of conversations with family, particularly our children regarding the implications of a diagnosis and treatment for cancer.  My younger son Jeffrey and I participated in the panel of the first webinar speaking about the reality of genetic driven prostate cancer and the possibility of passing it on to my children.

Last night I was thinking about another “TALK” which was a big part of my experience this year and one which is often difficult to have.  In early May of this year my one sibling, my sister passed away at the age of 78-1/2 years.  She was kind of a renegade and a rather unique woman.  Her first love and passion was riding motorcycles.  When she died, she left 3 bikes in her garage including her 1981 RS -1100 BMW.  She began her motorcycle experience way back in the 1950’s as a beatnik in Greenwich Village.  Later she made numerous trips to ride in Asia, Europe and all over N. America attending many BMW rallies.

I mention this because as her health declined in her later years, she was quite clear with me about not wanting to prolong her life when she could no longer ride her bikes. She and I had numerous “talks” about end of life issues.  She always thought she would “go out” in a fiery crash, but alas it was not to be.  She broke her hip and because of many other leg problems it was doubtful that she would be able to walk again.  After hip surgery she was moved into a nursing home where she lasted about one week.

Her last couple of weeks she was pretty foggy and incoherent but she and I were able to connect via Face Time a day or two before the end.  She knew me, and expressed her wish to get out of the facility and go home.  I told her that until she could master a walker she could not do so.  She knew that was not to be and I asked her if she was going to go to “Plan B”?  She said; “Yes, it would be Plan B”.  A day or two later she refused her food and meds and removed her oxygen and facilitated the end of her journey.  She knew she lived a remarkable life and lasted beyond her expectations and was ready to depart.

I am very thankful that we made the space to have, The Talk so that we both were prepared for the unexpected.  It made the transition so much easier.  I guess I bring this up because it is kind of the elephant in the room for all of us and so many ignore this reality and put off The Talk.  Most likely very few if any of you who participate in our Low and Intermediate Prostate Cancer Virtual meetings will pass on as a result of this disease, but still the fear tends to lurk in the mind.